Jan 28, 2013, 1:31 PM EDT
Prior to every NHL campaign, teams put their players through a bunch of boring administrative stuff — physicals, paperwork and, most importantly for the purposes of this post, headshots.
The headshot is a curious thing. It’s not often used, so players tend to treat it like high school picture day. Show up in whatever shape you’re in, completely oblivious to the fact someone is going to capture your image, sit down, stare at the camera and hope it turns out, you know, not awful.
Of course, the whole “show up in whatever shape you’re in” part can lead to some, uh, interesting results.
Like in the case of the following five NHLers:
This one has been making the rounds for a while (see here) so there’s really no need to go into great detail about the bushman of San Jose.
Here he be:
I like the juxtaposition at play. How can one man’s head be so immaculately clean, yet his beard look like it was glued on, then sent through a wind tunnel?
He may or may not have spent the lockout following Phish around in an ’83 Volkswagen bus.
The strength of Steeger’s mustache growth seems to be in strips directly below his nostrils, which is weirdly fascinating.
And rounding it out is the ‘Bulin Wall, looking far more disheveled than he did in his infamous 2010 DUI mugshot.
Now, for an entirely different set of headshots, check out this gallery of New Jersey Devils. That is the cleanest-shaven hockey team ever.
We mentioned last year about how Brian Burke waxed poetic over Lou Lamoriello’s strict grooming policies, but just to refresh:
Burke (courtesy the National Post):
“When I played at Providence College, we played West Point, we played the U.S. military academy, at West Point. Now, this is the ’70s, we’re playing teams with guys who have hair down to here [points to shoulders]. Our hair is not allowed to touch our ear.
“Like, I just got a haircut today so that Lou won’t call me and tell me I need a haircut.”
Burke pointed to his freshly trimmed sideburns and continued.
“So we’re playing the cadets. We’re at centre ice and their guys skate over: ‘Hey man, what’s with the hair? We HAVE to do this. What’s with you guys?’
And we’re like, ‘we HAVE to do it, too.”
All of New Jersey’s haircuts are believed to be modeled on this example:
Mar 9, 2014, 8:45 PM EDT
Impressively, he returned to action in the second period.
Mar 9, 2014, 8:01 PM EDT
Mar 9, 2014, 7:29 PM EDT
Patrick Kane comes home.
Mar 9, 2014, 7:12 PM EDT
Brian Elliott gets a rare start for St. Louis.
Mar 9, 2014, 6:05 PM EDT
It might be due to an Ed Jovanovski hit.
Mar 9, 2014, 6:01 PM EDT
It doesn’t sound great for their would-be starter.
Mar 9, 2014, 5:27 PM EDT
Calgary releases a statement on the matter.
Mar 9, 2014, 4:50 PM EDT
Mar 9, 2014, 3:57 PM EDT
The appetite to make a change seems to be growing.
Mar 9, 2014, 3:07 PM EDT
Detroit has lost its Wild Card spot.
Mar 9, 2014, 2:10 PM EDT
The once promising rookie was put on waivers by Ottawa.
Mar 9, 2014, 1:18 PM EDT
He’s scored in every New Jersey game since the Olympics.
Mar 9, 2014, 12:33 PM EDT
That’s on top of all the talent they traded away.
Mar 9, 2014, 11:58 AM EDT
Can Johan Franzen maintain his incredible post-Olympics pace?
Mar 9, 2014, 11:30 AM EDT
The 21-year-old is making the transition from the KHL.
Mar 9, 2014, 10:37 AM EDT
It helped lead St. Louis to its fourth straight win.
Mar 9, 2014, 9:48 AM EDT
Buffalo hasn’t been so bad lately, despite what the team looks like on paper.
Mar 9, 2014, 9:00 AM EDT
They both desperately need every point they can get.
Mar 9, 2014, 1:09 AM EDT
A much-needed victory for Vancouver.
Mar 9, 2014, 12:14 AM EDT
Short ones on Saturday.
- Extended overtime likely to be on agenda in GMs’ March meeting 24
- Lundqvist shuts out Red Wings to claim 300th victory 10
- NHL on NBCSN: Hawks know they can’t take Sabres lightly 10
- NHL on NBC: Red Wings, Rangers fight to cling onto playoff spots 2
- Video: Flames score center-ice goal against Canucks’ Lack 18
- Stars believe Lehtonen suffered concussion from Haula collision (update) 23
- Video: Stars retire Mike Modano’s jersey 11
- Rostislav Klesla passes on joining Sabres organization following trade 12
- Ryan Murray has knee surgery, likely done for season 1
- Washington finally signs top prospect Kuznetsov 33
- Canucks trade Luongo to Panthers (93)
- BLOCKBUSTER: Lightning trade St. Louis to Rangers for Callahan (82)
- Kings make splash, acquire Gaborik from Columbus (72)
- Report: Canucks want center, top prospect and first-rounder for Kesler (68)
- Steve Moore remains shocked, disgusted about Todd Bertuzzi attack (66)