Jan 28, 2013, 1:31 PM EDT
Prior to every NHL campaign, teams put their players through a bunch of boring administrative stuff — physicals, paperwork and, most importantly for the purposes of this post, headshots.
The headshot is a curious thing. It’s not often used, so players tend to treat it like high school picture day. Show up in whatever shape you’re in, completely oblivious to the fact someone is going to capture your image, sit down, stare at the camera and hope it turns out, you know, not awful.
Of course, the whole “show up in whatever shape you’re in” part can lead to some, uh, interesting results.
Like in the case of the following five NHLers:
This one has been making the rounds for a while (see here) so there’s really no need to go into great detail about the bushman of San Jose.
Here he be:
I like the juxtaposition at play. How can one man’s head be so immaculately clean, yet his beard look like it was glued on, then sent through a wind tunnel?
He may or may not have spent the lockout following Phish around in an ’83 Volkswagen bus.
The strength of Steeger’s mustache growth seems to be in strips directly below his nostrils, which is weirdly fascinating.
And rounding it out is the ‘Bulin Wall, looking far more disheveled than he did in his infamous 2010 DUI mugshot.
Now, for an entirely different set of headshots, check out this gallery of New Jersey Devils. That is the cleanest-shaven hockey team ever.
We mentioned last year about how Brian Burke waxed poetic over Lou Lamoriello’s strict grooming policies, but just to refresh:
Burke (courtesy the National Post):
“When I played at Providence College, we played West Point, we played the U.S. military academy, at West Point. Now, this is the ’70s, we’re playing teams with guys who have hair down to here [points to shoulders]. Our hair is not allowed to touch our ear.
“Like, I just got a haircut today so that Lou won’t call me and tell me I need a haircut.”
Burke pointed to his freshly trimmed sideburns and continued.
“So we’re playing the cadets. We’re at centre ice and their guys skate over: ‘Hey man, what’s with the hair? We HAVE to do this. What’s with you guys?’
And we’re like, ‘we HAVE to do it, too.”
All of New Jersey’s haircuts are believed to be modeled on this example:
Jul 29, 2015, 11:58 AM EDT
“So hopefully it’s nothing that keeps coming back.”
Jul 29, 2015, 11:09 AM EDT
Can he give the Oilers the goaltending they so badly need?
Jul 29, 2015, 10:21 AM EDT
The 26-year-old goalie is coming off a tough season.
Jul 29, 2015, 9:00 AM EDT
Spent last season with Lugano in the Swiss League.
Jul 29, 2015, 8:00 AM EDT
Y’know, everyday stuff.
Jul 28, 2015, 10:30 PM EDT
Jul 28, 2015, 9:38 PM EDT
Potentially a move to Switzerland, or the Czech League.
Jul 28, 2015, 8:39 PM EDT
Returning him to Rochester for a third time.
Jul 28, 2015, 7:39 PM EDT
Washington d-man is expected to miss the next two weeks of offseason training.
Jul 28, 2015, 6:26 PM EDT
Swiss winger came over from Calgary at last year’s deadline.
Jul 28, 2015, 4:39 PM EDT
Nice payday after posting a career-high in goals this season.
Jul 28, 2015, 4:23 PM EDT
“When you look at the structure of our salaries and our cap, it’s important to get those bottom-six cap hits in better shape.”
Jul 28, 2015, 3:21 PM EDT
With the Nurnberg Ice Tigers.
Jul 28, 2015, 2:30 PM EDT
Winning bid to be decided by the end of the year.
Jul 28, 2015, 1:45 PM EDT
“When the games mean something, that’s when he’s at his best.”
Jul 28, 2015, 1:21 PM EDT
The Blue Jackets have done well. The Canucks have not.
Jul 28, 2015, 12:34 PM EDT
Probably looking at another year of junior hockey.
Jul 28, 2015, 11:56 AM EDT
Busy day for Pittsburgh.
Jul 28, 2015, 11:40 AM EDT
Jul 28, 2015, 10:40 AM EDT
Could be a top-six winger. Could be a third-line center.
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- Penguins sign Fehr to three-year, $6 million contract 20
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- NBC Sports to broadcast 105 NHL games in 2015-16 58
- Wilson signs with Preds, leaving just four arbitration cases to go 5
- Rangers sign Stepan — six years, $39 million 62
- Deal with the Devils: New Jersey re-signs Larsson to six-year contract 14
- Post expansion, could NHL realign with eight divisions? (138)
- He’s baaaaaack: Leafs pull a stunner, hire Lamoriello as GM (Updated) (84)
- Bettman says NHL would have to ‘consider’ putting Quebec City in the Western Conference (70)
- Rangers sign Stepan — six years, $39 million (62)
- NBC Sports to broadcast 105 NHL games in 2015-16 (58)