Jan 28, 2013, 1:31 PM EST
Prior to every NHL campaign, teams put their players through a bunch of boring administrative stuff — physicals, paperwork and, most importantly for the purposes of this post, headshots.
The headshot is a curious thing. It’s not often used, so players tend to treat it like high school picture day. Show up in whatever shape you’re in, completely oblivious to the fact someone is going to capture your image, sit down, stare at the camera and hope it turns out, you know, not awful.
Of course, the whole “show up in whatever shape you’re in” part can lead to some, uh, interesting results.
Like in the case of the following five NHLers:
This one has been making the rounds for a while (see here) so there’s really no need to go into great detail about the bushman of San Jose.
Here he be:
I like the juxtaposition at play. How can one man’s head be so immaculately clean, yet his beard look like it was glued on, then sent through a wind tunnel?
He may or may not have spent the lockout following Phish around in an ’83 Volkswagen bus.
The strength of Steeger’s mustache growth seems to be in strips directly below his nostrils, which is weirdly fascinating.
And rounding it out is the ‘Bulin Wall, looking far more disheveled than he did in his infamous 2010 DUI mugshot.
Now, for an entirely different set of headshots, check out this gallery of New Jersey Devils. That is the cleanest-shaven hockey team ever.
We mentioned last year about how Brian Burke waxed poetic over Lou Lamoriello’s strict grooming policies, but just to refresh:
Burke (courtesy the National Post):
“When I played at Providence College, we played West Point, we played the U.S. military academy, at West Point. Now, this is the ’70s, we’re playing teams with guys who have hair down to here [points to shoulders]. Our hair is not allowed to touch our ear.
“Like, I just got a haircut today so that Lou won’t call me and tell me I need a haircut.”
Burke pointed to his freshly trimmed sideburns and continued.
“So we’re playing the cadets. We’re at centre ice and their guys skate over: ‘Hey man, what’s with the hair? We HAVE to do this. What’s with you guys?’
And we’re like, ‘we HAVE to do it, too.”
All of New Jersey’s haircuts are believed to be modeled on this example:
Dec 18, 2013, 1:21 AM EST
A relative unknown is now the hottest goalie in the NHL.
Dec 17, 2013, 11:26 PM EST
In more ways than one.
Dec 17, 2013, 11:07 PM EST
Only one point separate these teams now.
Dec 17, 2013, 10:39 PM EST
Brutal stuff for Evgeni Nabokov & Co.
Dec 17, 2013, 10:23 PM EST
Both teams’ differing streaks continue.
Dec 17, 2013, 10:03 PM EST
Florida’s entourage wins fourth in a row.
Dec 17, 2013, 9:33 PM EST
Notice a theme tonight?
Dec 17, 2013, 9:21 PM EST
His boarding hit could draw more than a minor penalty.
Dec 17, 2013, 8:47 PM EST
The Ducks star managed to return.
Dec 17, 2013, 8:00 PM EST
Dec 17, 2013, 7:09 PM EST
Mark Fraser in, Frazer McLaren out.
Dec 17, 2013, 6:32 PM EST
He was injured against Ottawa on Monday.
Dec 17, 2013, 5:47 PM EST
“It’s all about hard work, and it goes to everyone.”
Dec 17, 2013, 5:00 PM EST
“It’s all good signs. I’ve still got a lot of work to do.”
Dec 17, 2013, 3:48 PM EST
As illustrated by the picture.
Dec 17, 2013, 3:27 PM EST
All the latest from the blue paint…
Dec 17, 2013, 3:09 PM EST
He’ll need surgery to repair a torn tendon.
Dec 17, 2013, 3:04 PM EST
Carolina has three goalies, and that’s one too many.
Dec 17, 2013, 2:58 PM EST
New candidate for Best Headline Ever.
Dec 17, 2013, 2:05 PM EST
Out with a broken hand since Oct. 25.
- Martin Jones gets another shutout, remains undefeated 5
- Video: Tom Wilson gets tossed for charging Brayden Schenn 43
- Video: Kyle Quincey ejected for boarding Ryan Getzlaf 15
- NHL on NBCSN: Third time’s the charm for Flyers vs Capitals? 8
- Video: Penguins defeat Leafs, Bortuzzo called for illegal hit to head 71
- Potter suspended two games for boarding Bonino 3
- Reports: Thornton will appeal 15-game suspension 107
- Lucic addresses fight video, says he’s ‘disgusted and outraged’ by Vancouver 100
- Pittsburgh’s special teams have been pretty good; Florida’s not so much 3
- Flyers blow 4-1 lead, Caps win in shootout 25
- Updated: NHL suspends Thornton 15 games for Orpik attack (155)
- Janssen: Orpik should’ve fought Thornton, then ‘everything would have quieted down’ (122)
- Bylsma: Neal needs to learn from Marchand hit (114)
- Reports: Thornton will appeal 15-game suspension (107)
- Lucic addresses fight video, says he’s ‘disgusted and outraged’ by Vancouver (100)