Jan 28, 2013, 1:31 PM EST
Prior to every NHL campaign, teams put their players through a bunch of boring administrative stuff — physicals, paperwork and, most importantly for the purposes of this post, headshots.
The headshot is a curious thing. It’s not often used, so players tend to treat it like high school picture day. Show up in whatever shape you’re in, completely oblivious to the fact someone is going to capture your image, sit down, stare at the camera and hope it turns out, you know, not awful.
Of course, the whole “show up in whatever shape you’re in” part can lead to some, uh, interesting results.
Like in the case of the following five NHLers:
This one has been making the rounds for a while (see here) so there’s really no need to go into great detail about the bushman of San Jose.
Here he be:
I like the juxtaposition at play. How can one man’s head be so immaculately clean, yet his beard look like it was glued on, then sent through a wind tunnel?
He may or may not have spent the lockout following Phish around in an ’83 Volkswagen bus.
The strength of Steeger’s mustache growth seems to be in strips directly below his nostrils, which is weirdly fascinating.
And rounding it out is the ‘Bulin Wall, looking far more disheveled than he did in his infamous 2010 DUI mugshot.
Now, for an entirely different set of headshots, check out this gallery of New Jersey Devils. That is the cleanest-shaven hockey team ever.
We mentioned last year about how Brian Burke waxed poetic over Lou Lamoriello’s strict grooming policies, but just to refresh:
Burke (courtesy the National Post):
“When I played at Providence College, we played West Point, we played the U.S. military academy, at West Point. Now, this is the ’70s, we’re playing teams with guys who have hair down to here [points to shoulders]. Our hair is not allowed to touch our ear.
“Like, I just got a haircut today so that Lou won’t call me and tell me I need a haircut.”
Burke pointed to his freshly trimmed sideburns and continued.
“So we’re playing the cadets. We’re at centre ice and their guys skate over: ‘Hey man, what’s with the hair? We HAVE to do this. What’s with you guys?’
And we’re like, ‘we HAVE to do it, too.”
All of New Jersey’s haircuts are believed to be modeled on this example:
Mar 2, 2015, 7:55 AM EST
Monday’s collection of links.
Mar 2, 2015, 2:15 AM EST
It’s a first round and third round selection heading to Philly.
Mar 2, 2015, 1:50 AM EST
Tampa gets a pair of second-rounders.
Mar 2, 2015, 1:20 AM EST
Elliott and Allen saw action Sunday night.
Mar 2, 2015, 12:30 AM EST
Dallas’ skid reaches six games.
Mar 1, 2015, 11:30 PM EST
Winnipeg moves three points back of Chicago in the Central Division.
Mar 1, 2015, 10:50 PM EST
Malkin had a third straight three-point game.
Mar 1, 2015, 10:05 PM EST
He collided with Ales Hemsky.
Mar 1, 2015, 9:15 PM EST
The Washington forward remains in the game.
Mar 1, 2015, 8:30 PM EST
The Sharks get a fourth-round pick.
Mar 1, 2015, 8:00 PM EST
Both teams also swapped draft picks in the deal.
Mar 1, 2015, 7:36 PM EST
Dallas looking to snap a five game skid.
Mar 1, 2015, 7:06 PM EST
He is scheduled to become an unrestricted free agent after this season.
Mar 1, 2015, 6:45 PM EST
Both are free agents after this season.
Mar 1, 2015, 6:35 PM EST
It started with a Matt Greene hit on Mark Scheifele.
Mar 1, 2015, 6:15 PM EST
The Pens’ captain was unharmed on the play.
Mar 1, 2015, 5:56 PM EST
He’s 14 back of Marcel Dionne.
Mar 1, 2015, 4:20 PM EST
All the blockbuster details have been updated.
Mar 1, 2015, 3:38 PM EST
Sunday’s expected starting goalies.
Mar 1, 2015, 3:02 PM EST
Could Philly move him by Monday?
- Trade: Rangers land Yandle, Coyotes receive Duclair, first-rounder 67
- Trade: Capitals land Glencross, Flames get two picks 23
- Flames place Giordano on IR 5
- Flyers keep faint playoff hopes alive with win over Rangers 28
- Trade: Blackhawks acquire Vermette from Arizona for Dahlbeck, first rounder 74
- Jagr earns high praise in his Panthers debut 1
- Bruins maintain four-point edge in playoff race, hand Coyotes ninth straight loss 5
- NHL on NBC: Rangers look for a fourth straight win against the Flyers 7
- Ducks score four third-period goals, come back to beat rival Kings 9
- Blackhawks aren’t done talking trades, will look to add another forward 13
- Wild beat Avs, dying seconds fight set stage for rematch (149)
- Petrovic: Chicago will ‘probably seek revenge’ for Kane injury tonight (82)
- Trade: Blackhawks acquire Vermette from Arizona for Dahlbeck, first rounder (74)
- Report: Alex Petrovic avoids discipline after injuring Patrick Kane (69)
- Trade: Rangers land Yandle, Coyotes receive Duclair, first-rounder (67)