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Happy birthday, Zach Parise

Jul 28, 2012, 11:41 AM EDT

One of the biggest newsmakers of the NHL offseason turns 28 today — happy birthday, Zach Parise.

The Minnesota Wild, Parise’s new team, sent a congratulatory note via Twitter:


Parise has plenty of reasons to celebrate the big two-eight — next season, he’ll have the NHL’s eighth-largest cap hit ($7,538,462) — tied with teammate Ryan Suter, who’s 27.

Of note, Parise’s one of the oldest big money earners in the league next year. Of the top 10 biggest cap hits, six are 27 or younger (Alex Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin, Sidney Crosby, Shea Weber, Eric Staal, Suter) and the oldest is 32-year-old Vincent Lecavalier, who will make $7,727,273.

  1. eaglesfan723 - Jul 28, 2012 at 11:46 AM

    Hope you have a “Wild” one.

  2. njdevils44 - Jul 28, 2012 at 11:47 AM

    F-him and his birthday!

    • chazxcore - Jul 28, 2012 at 12:05 PM

      Nothing like taking the mature high road.

  3. noahbhs11 - Jul 28, 2012 at 11:51 AM

    After all he did for you?.. You have to be kidding dude…

    • vindicatus - Jul 28, 2012 at 3:37 PM

      lol And what exactly did Captain Invisible EVER do for the Devils other than disappear each playoffs or whine about attendance numbers?

      Oh, but he “works hard.” Well, he never worked hard enough to win. Now he can work hard at being a failure on a failing team for the next 13 years. I hope Wild fans like watching Parise chase the puck around the rink like a kitten chasing a laser pointer and get knocked off the puck just as easily.

      • credible316 - Jul 28, 2012 at 4:27 PM

        That’s weird, you think you’d be happy about him leaving then? Why so bitter?

      • vindicatus - Jul 29, 2012 at 12:00 AM

        Are you kidding? What part about my post was bitter? I’m ecstatic that crybaby left. No room for whiners on this team.

  4. soupcanarmygeneral - Jul 28, 2012 at 12:00 PM

    Hi, my name is General John Herpes
    I am doing my part in the soup can Army, will you do yours?

    Here at the soup can army we know exactly what its like to be on a losing team for so long. Then win a rigged lottery to give us a player known as the Soup Can, so we can take our selves out of bankruptcy for the 3rd time. Thats why we developed our motto is “if they aint winning, then dont watch em, but when they are winning, ride that wagon like its soups can sids 3rd leg”. If you are on one of these franchises who is going bankrupt or just cant seem to win at all like The oilers, Blue Jackets, Devils, Panthers, Wild, Lightening, or any of the other 23 teams in the league, Join us today
    Would you like to know more?

    Here at the soup can, we call our team the Franchise, because our 3 tower over the number of cups other teams have. We also have an A class bandwagon fan base and very gross food, as well as just a very ugly city.
    Would you like to know more?

    Our biggest rival is the Flyers, although they have crushed us head to head since 67, and recently eliminated us from the playoffs, we will be back next year stronger than ever. Our 3 part method on trying to beat them and any other team in the league is simple A. Dive, B. Whine, C. Cheap shot the hell out of players… and if those dont work just ask yourself, WWSCD


    • zaksyuk - Jul 28, 2012 at 1:31 PM

      Dont join people, basic training consists of keeping your head down and getting blind sided then coming to and running head first into the wall !

  5. 950003cups - Jul 28, 2012 at 12:03 PM

    What did he do?


    We watched him get developed by our team, listened to him whine like a baby if the fans boo’d poor team efforts, listened to him make excuses for his lazy friends, who nobody wanted, watched him choke so bad year after year in April some were thinking him and Mark Texeira had the same sickness. Then listened to him lie about wanting win and to stay in NJ. Suddenly he makes it to the finals on Brodeur, Henrique, and Kovalchuk’s efforts, and he bolts to a team that hasn’t even sniffed a winning season in years cause he thinks he’s Carmelo Anthony with his “I’m Comin’ Home” attitude.

    To him it wasn’t about winning or going home. It was about $$$.

    • credible316 - Jul 28, 2012 at 1:15 PM

      If it was about the money he would have gone to Detroit or Philly who offered much more money. Quit crying like a b**** and get over it. Would you be the last rat on that sinking ship? NJ is broke…Parise however is not.

  6. 950003cups - Jul 28, 2012 at 12:03 PM

    Oh yeah, almost forgot…


    • lordfletcher - Jul 29, 2012 at 11:14 AM

      This is why most Americans hate NJ.

      What is it like to be the arm pit of North America?

  7. chazxcore - Jul 28, 2012 at 12:09 PM

    Breaking News On PHT:

    New Jersey Devil fans reign down their wrath on Zach Parise for being born today.

    Soup Can Army person tries to be “funny” and annoying but just comes off as pathetic and sad and proves that he really doesn’t have a life away from his keyboard.

  8. filthadelphiadivers - Jul 28, 2012 at 12:22 PM

    Well said Chaz

  9. paperkid96 - Jul 28, 2012 at 12:32 PM

    uh-oh. The Wild are aging.

  10. GenosGirthRod - Jul 28, 2012 at 1:34 PM

    Dear Gen Herpies, while I admire your admiration of the SCA, your attempt at humor is a massive FAIL. The Soupcan Army is often imitated, we have learned that this comes from a place of pure soupcan envy. I wish everyone could be blessed with the girth of a soupcan, but let’s be real, there can only be one. Go back to drinking cat pee you Filthy Ginger lover

  11. blomfeld - Jul 28, 2012 at 1:45 PM


    This fixation with “cap hits” is really starting to bug me … not just because it’s misleading, but more so because it’s downright stupid ! The fact of the matter is that Parise will be paid close to 100 million dollars for 3-4 years of “useful” service. That equates to approximately 30 million dollars per year, as anything beyond that is pure “speculation” which even his most ardent supporters will admit. Those who’ve studied even basic accounting, will know that an amortization should only cover the “useful” or “productive” time period of the asset in question … not be stretched out into infinity. There’s a reason why the average car loan is based on a term of 48 months as opposed 180 months. Another example is the case of Luongo. For 54 million dollars, again what are you really buying ? … maybe 2-3 years of “top 15” goal-tending which equates to approximately 25 million per year ? I’m sure some of his supporters think that’s a good proposition, however I believe that’s foolish. The bottom line is that when we purchase something, we must always know and refer to the true “total” cost … not some phoney “monthly payment” or “cap hit” …

    • bcjim - Jul 28, 2012 at 1:50 PM


      And its a lot for someone past their prime or maybe with 1-2y of “prime” left.

      If he were Steven Stamkos (22), this would be a good contract, 4-7y of “prime” left. at 28, you’re on the wrong side of things in hockey, especially when you are relied on for scoring.

      • blomfeld - Jul 29, 2012 at 1:21 AM

        “Fore please … Tiger Woods now drive’n”

        Good to hear from you bcjim … man do I miss you guys from back at the old PGT site !

  12. bill5884 - Jul 28, 2012 at 1:46 PM


  13. 950003cups - Jul 28, 2012 at 2:06 PM

    “If it was about the money he would have gone to Detroit or Philly who offered much more money.”


    Are you that stupid? Are you even a fan of hockey? Did you not read how Minnesota outright told someone that they intended to throw the maximum amount and I quote “if Parise chooses not to sign with us, it won’t be because of money”
    Translation (for our stupid fan friends) = if he DOES sign it is because of money.
    If he picked Detroit or Pittsburgh he can say he wanted to win. But Minnesota? Have they ever won anything? Twins, Vikings, Wild, and Timberwolves are all losing teams. They’ve all had good players, but can win.

    Zach Parise only wanted the most possible money. He could care less about a cup. He doesn’t even have a real goalie to play with.

    • mclovinhockey - Jul 28, 2012 at 3:30 PM

      look, I heard what the wild said as well, but facts are facts… philly and det both offered more money, they are both a lot closer to a cup and he chose his home town… its understandable… most people would do the same.

    • credible316 - Jul 28, 2012 at 4:43 PM

      Let me break simple math down for you and I’ll try not to use to big of words. If I’m not mistaken 110 million (offered by Philly) is greater than 98 million. He could have taken more money (12 million more to be exact) and had a better chance to win a cup anywhere but the WIld, but he chose less money and a team not in very good position to win. Now that takes guts.

      So, before you show us just how awful our public schools are, 110 is greater than 98. See how that works. Next time just use a calculator.

      Oh, and I doubt the level of success of the Vikes, Wolves, and Twins had very little to do with his decision, how retarded.

      ps, the Twins have won 2 world series.

  14. earlcpeacock - Jul 28, 2012 at 2:24 PM

    generalmymotherhasHIV+, you cant infiltrate the soup can army base with your lack of wit, nor the lack of a cup since 1975. Pittsburgh IS the franchise and everyone in the world knows what bandwagon jumpers philthy fans are. you guys are famous for it. buy a tshirt and join a winning team.. please it will make you feel alot better brah. CHEESESTEAKS SUCK

    • soupcanarmygeneral - Jul 28, 2012 at 3:57 PM

      but when i joined you told me we like to do each other from behind as long as we give a reach around as well… thats what you said the soup can is about…

  15. 950003cups - Jul 28, 2012 at 5:33 PM

    And Toronto won a few cups as well…

    Philly didn’t offer more money. Excess of $80,000,000 was the offer. No real source had it to $110,000,000. That’s (hmmmmm, carry the one, minus…) oh!! $18,000,000 extra from Minnesota! Plus all those signing bonuses making it the most front loaded deals in the league.

    Face it. Zach took the cash and has no intentions of winning. So don’t get mad when ticket prices go up, and wins go down after 2 years. He was a key component for the NJ system. That’s why they needed him. His fanbase was mostly made up of 15 year old girls. His popularity plummeted as soon as Kovalchuk started playing there. Then it went lower with the emergence of Adam Henrique.

  16. mclovinhockey - Jul 28, 2012 at 6:42 PM

    Hey cups, you’re still wrong. It was 110 with a larger front load… Z said it himself. Unless he and Philly media both confirmed the same lie…. 110 mill from Philly, it was even on this site man. Sorry but it’s true.

  17. 950003cups - Jul 28, 2012 at 6:54 PM

    The reports were, as per CSN:

    CSN’s Tim Panaccio reports that the offers to both players were 12 years in length and worth at least $80 million. On the low end, that would work out to a salary cap hit of $6.6 million per season.

  18. mclovinhockey - Jul 28, 2012 at 7:22 PM

    That’s what I can bring up from being on the Porcelain king

    I have not seen one thing at all state 80 m.. I never heard this low. Never found a source, but Z said it himself he was offered 110 mill elsewhere, Philly reports they gave him a 110 offer.

    So for less years he would have gotten more money to play for a better team

  19. jnealsmeatymember - Jul 28, 2012 at 8:36 PM

    Poser, look at what a fool you’ve made of yourself. Get a shirt and get a life.

  20. 950003cups - Jul 28, 2012 at 9:46 PM

    Zach also said he wants to play where he has the best chance of winning, and that money was a non issue. He’s lied a lot to the media. He’ll say one thing, and his dad will tell the media something else. In the end, after throwing his dad under the bus, it was him, not his dad, who lied.

    So if Zach said Philly offered him $110 million, and the reports only state above $80 million, then I’ll believe the media. Especially CSN, which is owned by Comcast, who also own the Flyers.

    He went for the cash, which is fine, I would NEVER turn down that offer. But don’t kid yourselves, he’s only there for the money. Not the best chance to win, like he said. He was within 2 wins of a cup, and decided he couldn’t win with the same team anymore? Turning down Detroit tells you all you need to know. He turned down 3 teams that were in the last 4 cup finals to go to a bottom feeder team.

    Just saying…..

    • credible316 - Jul 28, 2012 at 11:21 PM

      Just face it, he came home to a team on the rise for several years. MN just signed half of who mattered in free agency and their prospect pool is overflowing. Not to mention an embarrassment of riches in the goalie dept.

      With another 10 million coming off the books next year, things couldn’t be better in the state of hockey.

      • vindicatus - Jul 29, 2012 at 12:08 AM

        Yeah, embarrassing is the perfect word to use to describe the Wild. I know I was very impressed with the Stanley Cup they won this past January.

        How quick will the Parise jerseys sell when the Wild fans realize that he will never be able to carry any team on his shoulders?

      • spiciercheez - Jul 30, 2012 at 12:23 PM

        Hey Vindipuss, wahhhhhhhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wahhhhhhhhhh. wipe your tears away little boy.

  21. 950003cups - Jul 29, 2012 at 12:42 AM

    I won’t get in to prospects ESPECIALLY goalie prospects.

    But either way, good luck with the season. Hopefully it all works out. I just don’t see where it will work when your team invested that much in a player that plays best only when he cycles the puck. Something the rest of the team, coach included, does not practice.

    • lordfletcher - Jul 29, 2012 at 11:19 AM

      You have been rambling about the same crap for two days now, WE GET IT.

      Move on with your life and just let the seasons play out

  22. 950003cups - Jul 29, 2012 at 5:24 PM

    A little bitter this morning?

    NJ? Armpit of America? Lol!! I can promise you, that NJ (above ocean county) is one of the nicest places to live and raise a family. You have the beaches on one side, NYC on the other, Atlantic City just below, top echelon school system, richest per sq ml, and it’s normal to see someone who has a full set of teeth.

    Look how many famous people either are from NJ or now live here. You can google it. It’s quite impressive.

    You’ll see it’s no armpit.

    • spiciercheez - Jul 30, 2012 at 12:25 PM

      hahaha you are one funny dude.. Wait who is bitter?? famous people live there, oh must be real nice then. Your girls Snooki and Jwow are famous, doesnt mean they arent trash.

  23. 950003cups - Jul 30, 2012 at 2:16 PM

    They’re not from NJ silly boy. They don’t even live here. Who would live in your dump of a state? You have to pay people $100,000,000 each to call it “home” again.

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