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Kings provide snarky infographic to “set things straight”

May 21, 2012, 7:18 PM EDT

Celebrities At The Lakers Game Getty Images

The Los Angeles Kings aren’t satisfied with merely rampaging their way through the 2012 playoffs. They want to leave us guffawing all the way through it.

Their Twitter account is the thing of consistent snarky genius. They made a prank from “The Office” come true. Yet some fans might be a little lost in all the comic chaos, so the Kings’ Web site provides a rather hilarious (albeit maybe a bit “actually needed”), meta-tastic infographic that you can check out here.

It’s too large to post here, but let’s go over some of the bigger laughs.

  • The Kings rattle off their long list of team logos, but they also remind people that they never employed the NBA Sacramento Kings’ image. Also: “Zero: Years Kings have either played in Sacramento, thought about playing in Sacramento or invested in a feasibility report on a potential move to Sacramento.” (Sounds like a solid quip toward both the Kings and the Golden State Warriors, really.)
  • Drew Doughty‘s career goals: 43; Brad Doty’s: 0. (Full discretion: I had to Google Brad Doty. I’m not a racing guru, but apparently a local anchor mixed the two up.)
  • Question: “Do celebrities come to Kings games too?” Answer: “Only the Canadian ones” (with a photo of Justin Bieber).

The Kings aren’t required to have some much fun with their playoff run, yet in a bloated sports city with approximately five bajillion other entertainment options, it doesn’t hurt. Even if it gets them “in trouble” from time to time.

  1. eigglesnosuperbowls - May 21, 2012 at 7:41 PM

    Are they KINGS players in the picture ?

    • James O'Brien - May 21, 2012 at 7:42 PM

      Yes, that’s Drew Doughty and Mike Richards at a Lakers game.

      • hank10 - May 21, 2012 at 8:09 PM

        Did Jeff Carter know that Richie went to a game with someone else? Oh the humanity.

      • eigglesnosuperbowls - May 22, 2012 at 5:25 PM

        When did Richards leave Philly ?

  2. taytay099 - May 21, 2012 at 8:15 PM

    That was pretty funny. I liked the “What LA Kings use to play against their opponents: PUCK” … “Definition of a puck: A hard rubber disk used in Ice Hockey”

  3. blomfeld - May 21, 2012 at 9:30 PM

    “Or walk with kings … nor lose the common touch”

    I can tell you friends that had he been around today, then Rudyard Kipling would have definitely been a King’s fan ! :) The “verve and chutzpah” of the King’s media operation is positively brilliant ! … and our team is “super cool” !

    GO KINGS GO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
    Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

    If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
    If you can meet with triumph and disaster
    And treat those two imposters just the same;
    If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
    Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

    If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
    And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breath a word about your loss;
    If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
    And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

    If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
    If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
    If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
    Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
    And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

  4. torrigjp - May 21, 2012 at 10:38 PM

    Blomfeld…shut up

    • blomfeld - May 21, 2012 at 11:38 PM

      *** just yesterday at a deli somewhere ***

      torrigjp: hey asshole … do you sell sandwiches here ?

      server (Blomfeld): reckon we do …

      torrigjp: well then gimme one you idiot ! …

      server (Blomfeld): sure … and would you care for some knuckles with that ?

      torrigjp: say what ? … no please ! … KAPOW ! … KABOOM ! … KAZAM !

    • namriverrat69 - May 22, 2012 at 9:34 AM

      Feel free to speak poetic anytime Blomfeld. torrigjp’s response was so creative – “shut up”. Takes a lot of intense thinking to come up with such an intelligent response. I’m not sure if this person doesn’t like you or has an axe to grind with Rudyard Kipling. Either way I liked your post.
      Go Kings!!!!!!!!

      LONG LIVE THE KINGS!!!!!!!

  5. grillmarks - May 21, 2012 at 11:19 PM

    I’ve always loved that poem. My dad framed a copy and have it to me a few years ago. Touché, Blom.

    • blomfeld - May 21, 2012 at 11:40 PM

      thank you friend … that was also my dear mum’s favorite poem … God bless …

      • namriverrat69 - May 22, 2012 at 9:42 AM

        I also like this poem by the great poemist, Rudyard Kipling. For the naysayers, I am pulling the word poemist from an old Smothers Brothers skit. I know the word is poet. We all need to take a break and from so much seriousness and look at the lighter side of life and competition. :-)

        Sports is entertainment which gets lost sometimes in the competition and emotional investments of games. We are all the same.

        LONG LIVE THE KINGS!!!!!!!

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