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Bryzgalov laments all the monkey astronauts lost to space travel

May 2, 2012, 5:37 PM EDT

Ilya Bryzgalov - Epic - 24-7

First, a disclaimer — according to various Flyers beat reporters, nobody actually recorded all of Ilya Bryzgalov‘s latest “this guy might be a genius, but he also might be on peyote” dissertation. According to Sam Carchidi of Philly.com, Bryz was rambling along until the cameras went on and he declined to say anything further.

In light of that, kudos to Comcast’s John Gonzalez for piecing this together:

When asked what he would have done if he hadn’t become a professional hockey goalie, Bryzgalov didn’t hesitate.

“Astronaut,” he said quickly.

The media pack sort of blinked back at him. No one was sure whether he was kidding. He wasn’t.

“No, seriously,” he added.

At which point Bryzgalov began a long dissertation about the American space program versus the Soviet/Russian space program and which was superior. He noted that the first two animals in space were Russian dogs, which led to a strange exchange between Bryzgalov and a reporter about who had lost more monkeys in space — the Americans or the Soviets/Russians. Bryzgalov conceded that too many monkeys had lost their lives in that vocation. 

“The problem with monkeys,” Bryzgalov quipped, “they push the wrong buttons.”

Well, you know what they say: Chimpin’ ain’t easy.

/bangs gong, makes wokka wokka sound

  1. govtminion - May 2, 2012 at 5:42 PM

    Dude, really, who keeps letting him talk to reporters without supervision?

    • danphipps01 - May 2, 2012 at 5:48 PM

      Whoever it is, I want to find him and shake his hand.

      • govtminion - May 2, 2012 at 5:50 PM

        Oh, no doubt- but didn’t the Flyers get mad at him for this stuff back in December leading up to the Winter Classic? How is he still allowed to just spout off to reporters months later? It’s a lot of fun to read and watch for us fans, but… wow.

      • tcclark - May 3, 2012 at 12:44 AM

        to be fair, he got quiet when the cameras tuned on..

  2. dsd3 - May 2, 2012 at 5:48 PM

    Oh Bryz.

  3. myvickinabox14 - May 2, 2012 at 5:53 PM

    He is just a dude, I love it. Makes me laugh. It’s nice to see peoples real personalities like that

  4. atwatercrushesokoye - May 2, 2012 at 5:53 PM

    Does this guy ever shut up? Why doesn’t he lament the fact that he lets in 4 goals a game? Philly is a Stanley Cup team except for the fact they’ve got the worst starting goalie remaining in the playoffs…by far!

    • atwatercrushesokoye - May 2, 2012 at 6:34 PM

      For those giving me thumbs down I have to admit I was wrong, his GAA is now a paltry 3.62, which of course is 8th among the 8 remaining goalies…only 1.11 more goals per game than numbr 7! He also has a lacrosse like save percentage of .879…that’s some sweet action!

      This goalie is going to cost the Flyers a chance at the cup, luckily they’ve got 8 more years with him to get it figured out.

      • grimlock410 - May 2, 2012 at 6:59 PM

        Not only do I completely agree with you but I’d give you a thumbs up even if I didn’t just for the name. I’m can’t wait for vondoomcrushespalmer.

      • maalea - May 2, 2012 at 7:00 PM

        You must have been watching old Denver Bronco VHS tapes last night because you didn’t watch the hockey game.

        The only reason it wasn’t 8 or 9 to 1 was Bryzgalov. IF Bryz plays like that the rest of the playoffs, the Flyers win the cup.

      • crosberries - May 2, 2012 at 7:55 PM

        Face it the capitals have a better chance at winning the cup then the flyers.

  5. couturierfellatesguys - May 2, 2012 at 6:07 PM

    someone stop this commie from opening his mouth. can’t wait until the devils destroy him the next 3 games to get him and the filthi fly girls out of the media

    • eigglesnosuperbowls - May 3, 2012 at 7:06 PM

      But you like opening your mouth !

  6. dougr42 - May 2, 2012 at 6:11 PM
  7. sgtr0c - May 2, 2012 at 6:11 PM

    HAHAHA The thing about monkeys is they press the wrong butons, wow, I love this guy. With all his issues, I really do like him.

  8. dougr42 - May 2, 2012 at 6:12 PM

    image tags don’t work here?!

    Bryztronaut: http://p.twimg.com/Ar55satCMAE2-J9.jpg

    • cleverbob - May 2, 2012 at 8:36 PM

      That should be on an orange t-shirt.

      • dougr42 - May 3, 2012 at 10:08 AM

        thanks for the idea.

      • cleverbob - May 3, 2012 at 11:24 AM

        Throw me a freebie in large and we’ll call it even!

  9. oquintero99 - May 2, 2012 at 6:31 PM

    I like the guy. Fun, entertaining and doesnt take himself so seriously. And hes a good goalie.

  10. dawglb - May 2, 2012 at 6:40 PM

    I hope he wins a Stanley Cup in Philadelphia, so he gets the last laugh.

  11. wicky888 - May 2, 2012 at 6:41 PM

    Ah he might be missing a chromosome or 2, but at least he makes it interesting. Better than the usual athlete dribble….. “We have to play better, we have to give 110%, we have to execute better” blah blah blah. Personally I would rather hear about Russian space monkeys

  12. claysbar - May 2, 2012 at 7:36 PM

    Love it, someone really needs to ask him if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound. You could write a college thesis on his response.

  13. bleed4philly - May 2, 2012 at 8:34 PM

    LMAO

  14. rainyday56 - May 2, 2012 at 9:00 PM

    Somewhere in Russia, Vlad Tretiak is banging his head against the wall thinking; “some a-hole is going to dub that effin’ “universe” speech over an old interview of mine on youtube – I know it!”

  15. mclovinhockey - May 2, 2012 at 10:02 PM

    This guy is hilarious!!!! He played great last night as well. Shame no one else on the team showed up.

  16. philly4lyfe - May 2, 2012 at 10:21 PM

    The flyers have a better shot at winning the cup than the pens.

  17. herbiecane - May 2, 2012 at 10:51 PM

    If you read this and don’t think Ilya Bryzgalov should be the guy on TV selling Dos Equis Beer, there is something wrong with you, not him.

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