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Dear America: Your kids won’t like hockey

Nov 4, 2011, 4:56 PM EDT

Kids hockey

So apparently tomorrow is “Try Hockey For Free Day” across the United States.

According to, “430 local ice rinks across 47 states are expected to conduct a free one-hour clinic to introduce nearly 10,000 kids to the sport.”

The idea is to build on the already-impressive growth of youth hockey in the U.S., where more than 100,000 children eight years and under registered to play last season.

But should kids from the United States really be playing hockey when there are so many other sports to choose from?

As a Canadian, I say no. Hockey isn’t even that fun for kids to play. Which is why enrolment in Canada is falling. We finally figured it out. And you should too, America.

I’m not just saying this because the United States has 10 times Canada’s population and if every American kid starts playing hockey Canada could eventually lose its perch atop the hockey world.

All I’m saying is that American kids should be playing superior sports, like football, baseball, basketball and jai-alai. Canadians would love the opportunity to play those sports, we just don’t know how.

Again, I can’t stress this enough: DO NOT put your kids in hockey, America. They won’t like it. And frankly, it’s dangerous.

  1. charliereno - Nov 4, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    Rather than go through that headache, how about you friendly Canadian folks start focusing on curling, eh? It would take the U.S. at least a decade or two in order to catch up and threaten Canadian dominance. 😉

  2. mianfr - Nov 4, 2011 at 5:27 PM

    Even jokingly, why would you say this?

    Everyone: play hockey. It’s good for you.

  3. cannonblast14 - Nov 4, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    This is stupid. Not everyone catches on to sarcasm. Hockey is a great sport and fun. Go play everyone. Mrs. Obama wants you to

  4. Mike Halford - Nov 4, 2011 at 5:48 PM

    • cannonblast14 - Nov 4, 2011 at 6:01 PM

  5. arsement - Nov 4, 2011 at 5:57 PM

    By defining American sports as superior, you are inferring hockey is an inferior sports.

    Someone please explain this to me because I do not understand. This is a head scratcher.

  6. kiopta1 - Nov 4, 2011 at 5:58 PM

    I laugh. You laugh. Sharing a moment.

    • danphipps01 - Nov 4, 2011 at 6:19 PM

      For whatever reason, I read this in an outrageous Russian accent and it made it wonderful.

  7. drunkenmidgets - Nov 4, 2011 at 6:43 PM

    Sarcasm on the internet should probably be reallllly sarcastic if you’re gonna get your point across.

    • 1943mrmojorisin1971 - Nov 5, 2011 at 4:10 AM

      …or just work that Frink video into the thread if you need to get your point across

      • petriskriko - Nov 5, 2011 at 7:31 PM

  8. t16rich - Nov 5, 2011 at 12:34 PM

    What a douche bag way to go about this article. As a Canadian I can only hope you pull your head out from the dark and stop being a smart ass about the American growth of an underrated sport. At the end of the day I want the best hockey possible. If that means having over a 1000 americans in the NHL, than so be it.

    • petriskriko - Nov 5, 2011 at 7:28 PM

      Pretty sure he was joking. That’s the thing with sarcasm. You have to understand it means the opposite. So essentially he’s saying, go check out hockey. Am I really explaining sarcasm to someone on the internet? Sigh.
      PS – then not than

      • t16rich - Nov 7, 2011 at 10:10 AM

        This game rules. Its not a joke to those who love it. So to someone like me who thinks the continuing growth is very important, I just thought there is a better way to go about writing that article. Especially on a hockey site that’s likely used mostly by American hockey fans. I picked up the sarcasm, hence my smart ass comment. Like I said, I just feel it wasnt the best way to write that article. I should have left out my emotions and do understand what your saying. Who really cares now because who ever was running this program obviously did a tremendous job as I heard it was a a large success all over the country.

  9. hockeyfan9170 - Nov 5, 2011 at 1:06 PM

    You get paid to write this garbage? You must be an ESPN employee.

    • imleftcoast - Nov 6, 2011 at 12:12 PM

      Now is this sarcasm? On the one hand, ESPN has put personalties above the actual sports and scores, and being called an ESPN employee should be the ultimate insult. On the other hand, are you actually confused on ABC owning ESPN and this being NBC? I suspect it’s the latter, and you should probably stick to jokes about Halford and Brough working out of their moms’ basements.

  10. taytay099 - Nov 5, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    I really hope every American child reads this article. Hockey may look fun but they have to wake up for 5am practice! They should stick to basketball and the one where you swing the bat.

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