Oct 18, 2011, 11:44 AM EST
The Columbus Blue Jackets host the Dallas Stars tonight at Nationwide Arena. Good seats are still available. Great seats even. Like, you could probably sit on the Columbus bench if you made a call or two. Might even get to take a shift.
Yes, after GM Scott Howson’s summer of spending, the Jackets are off to a dreadful start. They’re 0-4-1. Last in the Central division. They can’t score. They can’t keep the puck out of their own net. Their power play is terrible. As is their penalty kill. They smell. They’re overweight. Awful skin. Breath is horrible. Super annoying to talk to at parties. Bad team all around.
Not surprisingly, the fans in Columbus haven’t exactly been flocking to BJs games. Last Wednesday against Colorado, just 8,986 bothered to show up to watch the home side lose in a shootout. As always in these types of situations, that number is probably generous. And when I say probably, I mean definitely. “We counted the cannon as 20 people.”
Anyway, what better game to fill the seats than a Tuesday night affair with Dallas?
That sound you’re hearing is scalpers sobbing.
Now, before we get to the part where we guess the attendance, I’m not sure if the Jackets have some sort of ticket promotion planned for tonight. Maybe anyone with a college ID can sit in the upper deck for $20, gets a free foam finger and unlimited nachos. For example, here’s what the Jackets are offering for next Tuesday’s game versus the Red Wings…
That’s a pretty good deal, says the guy from Vancouver.
OK, so let’s guess the attendance for tonight. I’m going to say…8,457. What say you? We’ll announce the winner tomorrow on PHT. Free Ferrari for anyone who hits it right on the nail.*
*Offer void on planet Earth
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- Report: Dion Phaneuf will face hearing for hit on Kevan Miller 98
- Bruins coach admits Thornton crossed the line, slams Pens for not being ‘truthful’ 123
- Lecavalier out 3-4 weeks with non-displaced fracture in back 8
- Islanders players hold closed-door meeting after ninth straight loss 15
- Penguins’ Neal has phone hearing for knee on Bruins’ Marchand 90
- Shawn Thornton confirms hearing with NHL Department of Player Safety (Updated) 88
- Video: Penguins’ Neal knees Bruins’ Marchand 69
- Penguins announce Brooks Orpik ‘alert and conscious’ (Updated) 47
- Shawn Thornton: ‘People could probably criticize that I’m a little too honorable’ 78
- Video: Penguins’ Orpik stretchered off ice; Bruins’ Thornton given match penalty (182)
- Neal suspended five games for kneeing Marchand in the head (155)
- Bruins coach admits Thornton crossed the line, slams Pens for not being ‘truthful’ (128)
- Pens put Orpik on IR (128)
- Report: Dion Phaneuf will face hearing for hit on Kevan Miller (98)