Oct 18, 2011, 11:44 AM EDT
The Columbus Blue Jackets host the Dallas Stars tonight at Nationwide Arena. Good seats are still available. Great seats even. Like, you could probably sit on the Columbus bench if you made a call or two. Might even get to take a shift.
Yes, after GM Scott Howson’s summer of spending, the Jackets are off to a dreadful start. They’re 0-4-1. Last in the Central division. They can’t score. They can’t keep the puck out of their own net. Their power play is terrible. As is their penalty kill. They smell. They’re overweight. Awful skin. Breath is horrible. Super annoying to talk to at parties. Bad team all around.
Not surprisingly, the fans in Columbus haven’t exactly been flocking to BJs games. Last Wednesday against Colorado, just 8,986 bothered to show up to watch the home side lose in a shootout. As always in these types of situations, that number is probably generous. And when I say probably, I mean definitely. “We counted the cannon as 20 people.”
Anyway, what better game to fill the seats than a Tuesday night affair with Dallas?
That sound you’re hearing is scalpers sobbing.
Now, before we get to the part where we guess the attendance, I’m not sure if the Jackets have some sort of ticket promotion planned for tonight. Maybe anyone with a college ID can sit in the upper deck for $20, gets a free foam finger and unlimited nachos. For example, here’s what the Jackets are offering for next Tuesday’s game versus the Red Wings…
That’s a pretty good deal, says the guy from Vancouver.
OK, so let’s guess the attendance for tonight. I’m going to say…8,457. What say you? We’ll announce the winner tomorrow on PHT. Free Ferrari for anyone who hits it right on the nail.*
*Offer void on planet Earth
- Leafs re-sign Reimer — two years, $4.6 million 12
- Gorges still can’t explain falling out of favor in Montreal 9
- Eller, Habs agree to four-year, $14 million contract 10
- Cory Sarich hospitalized following cycling accident, expects ‘full recovery’ 6
- Stamkos shrugs off talk of LeBron-like homecoming to Toronto in 2016 28
- Avs and O’Reilly agree on two-year deal, but questions remain 45
- Rangers and Kreider avoid arbitration, agree on two-year deal 39
- Zuccarello takes Rangers’ one year, $3.5M deal 42
- Advancement? Leafs sign Booth for one year, $1.1M 25
- Leafs hire 28-year-old stats advocate as assistant GM 30
- NBC Sports to air over 100 NHL regular-season games in 2014-15 (69)
- Vanek connected to federal gambling investigation (61)
- Lucic regrets handshake-line actions, but isn’t apologizing (58)
- Report: O’Reilly wants $6.7M deal, Avs counter at $5.5M (58)
- Red Wings unveil plans for new arena, look to open in 2017 (57)